Category: Family

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Family Parenting

What’s the news?

                Kids used to pass a note to classmates in school wanting to know if their classmates liked them or not. At some point in your life, you have probably read, written, or at least heard about the note a student gives that says, “Do you love me, check yes or no?” If you’re a student today, you’re more likely to get a text message from another student saying “What’s the news?” Both the note and the text carry the same meaning as they both serve as a check-up on the status of the relationship. DTR or “define the relationship” is also a popular term that describes the same notion.

                Back in the day, a boy would call a girl to ask her out. Today, students can check up on each other through social media outlets, pictures, and posts. There is a lot of teen slang found in texts and posts today. To begin decoding the new language, you can start by googling “teen slang and text.” Netsanity.net has produced a decoding guide and says some acronyms are fun and harmless, some you just need to keep an eye on, and some are warning flags.

                A popular game as of late is the game app Fortnite. Students have fallen in love with this game because it offers them two things: (1) Competence and (2) Connection. Students want to achieve the highest levels and most points in games because games make them feel good about themselves. Students like challenges and overcoming challenges. Achievement is important to the next generation. Perhaps you are not challenging your student enough. Provide them a vision big enough to latch onto.

                I recently heard of a dad who couldn’t understand why his good Christian daughter enjoyed dating a pothead. Problem is the dad had not painted a brighter and bigger picture for his daughter to admire than her boyfriend could offer. The dad then decided that his family was going to get involved with building an orphanage in Africa. Guess what? The family did and the daughter dumped her boyfriend. Besides the challenge, I’m sure the event made the daughter feel more competent as well. Dad had raised the bar and his daughter passed the test with flying colors!

                But games also provide students with talking points. Since “everyone is playing,” students can easily initiate or jump into conversations with friends. Students are really just looking for acceptance. They have achieved their game goals and they talk about their story of doing so along the way. This way, students stay plugged into the game while staying plugged up with their friends.

                I met a veteran youth minister today by the name of Drew Hill. Drew shared a story that will stick with me. He said he went to his daughter’s soccer game. She was the goalie and made a bad mistake allowing the ball to go across the line. As her father, he yelled from the sideline, “Honey (that was her real name), I love you. Keep your chin up.” It’s easy to be there for our students when they win and the frenzied crowd is all around them at the end of the game. But who will be at the locker room when the game is over to support them when they lose and the crowd has disappeared?

                What’s the news? The news is that God loves you. God is not mad at you. He is not out to get you. He has provided you with his own Son’s death. What more could he give? Students are looking for love through messages, games, and sports. Will you let them know that God accepts them as they are? When the news students get isn’t good, when they can’t beat the game, when they feel they’re the reason the team lost, will you be there to offer them an alternate story? We have good news and it is the gospel!

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Family

Honor your Grandparents

This past Sunday, my church celebrated Grandparents Day. Grandparents Day took on new meaning for me this year. With so many children today being raised by their Grandparents, I was forced to alter my perspective on this all-important day.

I can’t help but wonder if Grandparents Day has become the new Mothers and Fathers Day. Mothers Day and Fathers Day will always be important. However, many children do not know their father or mother or don’t have good relations with their father or mother if they do.

If you are a God-honoring, Christ-centered family making disciples of Christ out of your children, Praise God! You are following the instructions of Christ. Unfortunately, it seems you have become the exception rather than the rule.

I have ministered to children and youth for many years and am used to seeing students come from single-parent homes. Unfortunately, the trend has become worse over the years and I am all too often now seeing students come from no-parent homes.

Grandparents are the backbone of our society and our churches. We honored our Grandparents on Sunday by giving them a hand-crafted gift and by thanking them for their service.

Proverbs 17:6 says, “Children’s children (Grandchildren) are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”

Many parents today think that children are a nuisance and look for ways to dispose of their responsibility. However, Scripture teaches that children are a reward from God and happy is the man whose quiver is full of them (Psalm 127:3, 5).

Church, we need to take care of the widow (many are grandparents) and the orphan (many are grandchildren) and they are supposed to be taking care of each other. Here is a verse you don’t hear much anymore: “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God” (1 Timothy 5:4).

One day, we will look up and our Grandparents won’t be there. Mine have already passed. But while they are here and are steadfastly serving the Lord by taking care of their own, let’s honor them. They may be the only mother or father their grandchildren have ever known.

“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children (Psalm 103:17).”

“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4).

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Family

NGM: “the sheep follow the lambs”

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” -John 21:15

When I read of Jesus commanding Peter to feed his sheep, I think about how Jesus reinstates Peter after an epoch fail. Remember, Peter had denied the Lord three times after telling the Lord he would never deny him. In this passage, Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves him, and after three times of Peter saying yes, Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep. Or does he?

Read John 21:15 closely. Does Jesus tell Peter to feed his sheep or to feed his lambs? Jesus tells Peter to feed his lambs. However, Jesus does tell Peter to tend to or feed his sheep in the second and third answer to his question (John 21:16-17).

In next generation ministry (NGM), Dr. Jeff Lovingood is famously quoted for saying “the cow follows the calf.” In other words, a good next generation ministry will attract students which in-turn will attract families. There have also been many occasions where students have led their parents and or guardians to the Lord!

I wonder in reading John 21:15-19 if Jesus isn’t telling Peter, “the sheep follow the lambs.” I know Jesus doesn’t say those words and may not even mean them. But the statement does make sense and I do wonder why Jesus told Peter to feed his lambs before he told him to feed his sheep. Yes, lambs are sheep and sheep are lambs, but I think Jesus may be saying something more than we often give him credit for.

Or maybe Jesus just wanted to build Peter back up slowly. After all, Peter allowed two servant-girls to intimidate him as he denied Christ, so perhaps he needed to start with the next generation as he patch-worked his faith (Mat 26:69-72).

There are questions we will never know the answer to on earth until we meet Jesus in heaven. But for now, I am going to speculate that Jesus looked at Peter as a next generation leader. I know Peter was called the rock, wrote epistles, preached, and founded churches as an apostle. However, if Peter followed through on loving Jesus by feeding Jesus’s lambs, then Peter ministered to the next generation!

Technically, adult sheep are labeled as tup (male) or ewe (female). Sheep, like adults, require shepherding and care. But lambs, like children, require more supervision, nurture, and protection than sheep. All sheep need fed, but lamb food will look somewhat different than sheep food in both portion size and in substance (think milk). And the differences multiply when you compare sheep to cows. Sheep101.info says, “compared to cattle, sheep eat a greater variety of plants.” Perhaps it would be better for us to say “the sheep follow the lambs” instead of “the cow follows the calf.” No, it doesn’t sound as good, but it makes sense when we consider ourselves as sheep and Jesus as our Chief Shepherd.

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Family Great Commission

NGM or the American Dream?

At the heart of NGM lies the Great Commandment (Mat 22:35-40) and the Great Commission (Mat 28:19-20). Does the American Dream concept line up with either of the GC’s?

Allow me to tackle the idea of the American Dream first.

One version of the American Dream illustrates a solid family structure with mom in the kitchen, dad grilling out, and kids playing in the yard behind a white picket fence. Granted, there are some homes that still paint that picture today, but I would submit that those pictures are becoming harder to find. Remember when you visited a family in their home and spotted family pictures on the wall or on the shelf? Whereas the traditional nuclear family used to be the social norm, it now appears as abnormal. Brokenness and dysfunction are the themes that rule our day.

A second version of the American Dream states that if you work hard enough, you can be whatever you want to be. Elements of this version are still at work today. It is good to dream. Many inventions would have never been created without the ingenuity or ideas of the dreamer. And Americans often do dedicate themselves to becoming what they have always dreamed about and then later find themselves living their dream out. These are all good things. But what about those dreamers who will never have the ability, talent, or opportunity to do what they were told they always could do. I dreamed of playing in the NBA as a child and dedicated my early life to accomplishing that goal. But my height coupled with my vertical leap (I can jump, but not as high as an NBA player) would never allow me live that dream. At some point, reality sets in and some dreams do die. You can’t always be whatever you want to be.

I am sure there are other versions of the American Dream but I am not going to tackle all of these today. Suffice to say, some of us need to tear the picket fence down, take the pictures off the wall, and or let reality set in. In other words, we need to admit that there are aspects of the American Dream that could shatter before our teary eyes. Yes, in some ways, we were given a lie and we need to call it out for what it is. The American Dream is not all fantasy as some do achieve it. However, the American Dream pales in comparison to the great call of Jesus to love God, love others, and to make disciples of all nations. The American Dream is for Americans and limited in scope. The Great Commission is for all nations. The American Dream is for the here and now. The Great Commission encompasses all time and its efforts will echo for an eternity. The American Dream pleases the self. Obeying the GC’s bring glory to God. Let’s choose to do next generation ministry and fulfill the GC’s over and beyond any call to live the American Dream.

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Family

First things first: Be the Family

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Church, we must reach and we must strengthen the family unit.  Lately, I have been doing a lot of praying and head-scratching, trying to figure out why it appears the traditional church is dying.  I live in a rural area and have always been a small church guy (having worked on staff in multiple small churches).  I have nothing against the mid-size, large or megachurch congregations, having attended these as well.  But as I look around my surroundings and notice a multitude of small traditional churches, I notice a “graying” in church attendance without the balance of other hair colors (think families) in the crowd.

The majority of churches are small, under 100 in attendance, and represent the backbone of the American church.  In remarking on “five reasons why churches are dying and declining faster today,” Thom Rainer comments on five points: (1) Cultural Christianity is declining rapidly (2) The exit of the Builder generation (3) Migration from rural areas and small towns to the cities (4) Faster church transfers, and (5) Slow response to change as change accelerates all around us.  I feel the third and fifth points are most important.  Rainer states that “in 1790, only 5% of Americans lived in cites.  Today over 80% of Americans are city dwellers.”

Thus, one reason small traditional churches do not have many young people in them is that there are less families and young adults to go around than in years past.  However, I would say and Rainer would agree that there are a multitude of unchurched adults and families in any given area that the church is just not doing a good job of reaching. I think the fifth point Rainer makes goes without saying and is a significant reason why the traditional church (big or small) is found struggling.  In this digital age, the reality time gap will only increase for those dying churches who refuse to change.  For these type of churches, it’s just a matter of time.

I do think there is hope for the small church.  For example, my church’s problem is not with Rainer’s point number five.  My church is actually a church that acts like it is living in the year 2016!  Still, my church is not reaching as many young adults and families as it should.  Preaching styles and worship styles often can and should be tweaked, but I do not feel a church’s preferred style is the primary reason young adults or families stay away from church. Attitudes and judgments from church members can play a role, but I do not feel that this represents the core issue.  I think that the distractions and busyness of life, relational division (social media causes or not), and pleasure-seeking have taken over primary concern in family/young adult lives.

What is the church to do?  Just sit back and watch everyone become a gray-head until the church dies?  I think not!  The Bible gives us a solution and I will give you the prescription soon enough.  Know beforehand our answers do not come from the latest seminars, conferences, or how-to method.  Our answers have been tried and true, tested and approved by God himself.  There are many megachurches winning families and young adults to Christ by the droves.  However, about as many are making disciples a mile wide but an inch deep (there are some exceptions). In fact, Rainer notes that healthy churches have members not only in community but have members who read their Bible and pray daily (hint, hint).

Prescription: Acts 2:42 – “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” v. 47b – “And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” The key word in the prescription is devoted, a word I feel the church often ignores to its own peril. Have we really devoted ourselves to the Word of God (in public and in private), to being in community (how real are we in sharing our weaknesses and faults with one another), to the breaking of bread (is this just a ceremonial rite or is this a transformative experience), and to prayer (many members are scared to pray aloud-this would not be as big of a concern if we were devoted to the practice of prayer). And are we waiting upon the Lord?  It wasn’t man’s method or ingenuity that led to the church’s growth.  It was the Lord who added to the church’s number.

A friend of mine, noting from Genesis that God made the home before he created the church, once said that as the family goes, so goes the church, and as the church goes so goes our nation.  Stanley Hauerwas notes “that a stable family structure contributes to stable societies through community.”  To keep families in church (and hence to keep the church alive), we must strengthen the home (the relationship between parents and children) and to reach families out of church, we must meet families where they are (remember, families don’t look like what they used to).  More than keeping and reaching families, Acts 2:42-47 speaks of the church as being a family and even sharing their belongings with one another.  There is no better metaphor for who the church is to be and how the church is to grow.  I can still remember singing “The Family of God” chorus every time my small church would add a member, but now I wonder why we left out the stanzas between the chorus:

You will notice we say ‘brother and sister’ round here, It’s because we’re a family and these are so near; When one has a heartache, we all share the tears, And rejoice in each victory in this family so dear.

From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King, No longer an outcast, a new song I sing; From rags unto riches, from the weak to the strong, I’m not worthy to be here, but praise God I belong!